I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

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Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

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People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

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Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

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I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

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Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

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So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

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I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

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Alexa, turn off the planet.

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How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?