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Commentary:
Ah, a classic case of selective amnesia blended with a touch of marital honesty! 🤣 It seems like your wife might need a memory boost or maybe just some upgraded rose-tinted glasses! 👓💭 Just remind her of your charm and wit, and she'll remember why she fell for you in the first place! 😉🌟

Alzheimer’s, day, early, every, humor, i, idea, joke, marriage, me, memory, relationship, saw, think, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

4 months ago
avoid, avoid work, avoidance, going, humor, only, procrastination, relief, stress, stress relief, work, work avoidance, work stress
Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

2 months ago
ahead, doing, grammar, humor, joke, know, mistake, punctuation, semi-colon, semicolon, writing, wrong
Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

1 month ago
birthday, celebration, everyone, exhaustion, happy, humor, i, joke, life, rest, sarcasm
I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

1 month ago
after, confidence, eraser, every, humor, i, joke, mistake, smaller, wordplay
The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

1 month ago
baby, candy, childhood, everyday, everyday humor, humor, irony, opposite, parenting, playful, putting, safety, sunscreen, taking, toddler
I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

1 month ago
alarm, always, earlier, five, humor, i, listen, minutes, morning, morning routine, music, procrastination, routine, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, wake, wake up

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Trending via TikTok:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Spotted on Discord:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Trending via Reddit:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Just shared via Reddit:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Just landed via Snapchat:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Just landed via X:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

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Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

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Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

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I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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