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"Ah, yes, the ol' 'fart your way to freedom' strategy, a true gas-powered escape plan! 🌬️💨 Just imagine the looks on your kidnappers' faces as they realize they've underestimated the power of nervous flatulence! 💨😂 Remember, when in doubt, let it out! #FlatulenceForFreedom"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

1 month ago

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I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

1 month ago

animal, animal personality, dogs, dominance, humor, i, personality, pet, pet humor, subwoofer
Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

1 month ago

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Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

2 months ago

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I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

1 month ago

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Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

2 months ago

appointment, awkward, awkward situation, bank, call, cancel, humor, i, joke, just, say, situation, sperm, sperm bank

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Making waves on Instagram:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Just landed via Discord:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Seen just now on Discord:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Spotted on Messenger:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

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Activity Log ✨

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

I would prefer not to.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

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I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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