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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Seen just now on Threads:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Making waves on X:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Spotted on Messenger:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Making waves on WeChat:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the ol' 'fart your way to freedom' strategy, a true gas-powered escape plan! 🌬️💨 Just imagine the looks on your kidnappers' faces as they realize they've underestimated the power of nervous flatulence! 💨😂 Remember, when in doubt, let it out! #FlatulenceForFreedom"

anxiety, escape, ever, flatulence, helpful, humor, i, kidnapped, nervous, situation, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Salary week, but salary weak.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

18 shares on Threads this month:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

61 shares on Discord this month:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Freshly posted on X:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Making waves on Messenger:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

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