Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sounds like you're taking 'unwinding' to a whole new level! 🤪 Perhaps it's time to switch from decomposing to decompressing…less mess, more zen! 🧘‍♂️"

decompose, decompress, humor, i, relaxation, stress, work

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31 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

94 shares on X this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

12 shares on X this month:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Just shared via Threads:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Just landed via Reddit:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Going bananas on Threads:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Making waves on Slack:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

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Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨