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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Trending via Twitch:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Just landed via X:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Seen just now on Reddit:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about messy hair resembling Beatles lyrics, humorous and lighthearted.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone had a fab hair day! 🎶✨ Channeling those Beatles vibes with your hair getting a ticket to ride in all directions! Maybe a little help from Sergeant Pepper's comb would do the trick! 🚂💈 #FabFourHairGoals"

Beatles, everywhere, hair, here, i, lyric, morning, music, woke

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

15 shares on Threads this month:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Just landed via Facebook:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Live now on WeChat:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Trending via Threads:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Just landed via YouTube:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Shared recently on X:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Making waves on Reddit:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Going viral on Slack:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

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