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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has copied:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has viewed:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has copied:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has copied:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,776

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Spotted on Reddit:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Spotted on Reddit:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are β€œthrilled” on LinkedIn.

Just landed via Facebook:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Making waves on Threads:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Seen just now on Discord:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Live now on YouTube:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Playful quote about messy hair resembling Beatles lyrics, humorous and lighthearted.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone had a fab hair day! 🎢✨ Channeling those Beatles vibes with your hair getting a ticket to ride in all directions! Maybe a little help from Sergeant Pepper's comb would do the trick! πŸš‚πŸ’ˆ #FabFourHairGoals"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

97 shares on X this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has copied:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has downloaded:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has shared:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has copied:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on Slack:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Spotted on Reddit:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Making waves on Instagram:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Trending via WeChat:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Making waves on Instagram:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Making waves on Twitch:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Spotted on Facebook:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Spreading quickly via X:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

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