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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just landed via Slack:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Just shared via X:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Just shared via Reddit:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Trending via X:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Just landed via YouTube:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Live now on Instagram:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

2 months ago

0

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the delightful paradox of self-awareness! 🤓🤦‍♂️ Sometimes it takes a touch of brilliance to truly appreciate our own silliness. Embrace the journey from stupidity to wisdom… or just laugh at your own clever stupidity along the way! 🤪🌟"

am, awareness, humor, i, ID, intelligence, irony, little, self-reflection, smart, stupid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

0

2 months ago

chewing, distraction, food, humor, me, murderer, priority, tell
A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

0

2 months ago

couple, humor, know, life, marriage, problem, problems, relationship, single, solving, together
Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

0

2 months ago

brain, brain failure, comedy, death, failure, humor, irony, lead, life, living, people, proof
“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

0

2 months ago

2012, culture, date, humor, joke, Mayan, prediction, prophecy, stop, told, warning
If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, exhaustion, hangover, humor, needs, productivity, recovery, right, today, weekend
Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, bottle, butterfly, chugging, coping, coping mechanism, drinking, feel, humor, i, mechanism, nervousness, next, tequila, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Threads this month:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

81 shares on TikTok this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Just landed via Facebook:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Breaking via Discord:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Making waves on YouTube:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Trending via Discord:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Spotted on Messenger:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Trending via Snapchat:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

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