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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Seen just now on Twitch:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Making waves on Discord:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Live now on YouTube:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Making waves on Discord:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Live now on WeChat:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Spotted on Reddit:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Going bananas on Threads:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Just shared via TikTok:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

2 weeks ago

Witty reminder about morning email checks and starting the day with others' problems.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
💌 Rise and shine, or should we say, rise and whine! If your morning routine involves diving into your inbox, you might just find yourself swimming in a sea of other people's dilemmas before even brushing your teeth. Remember, coffee before complaints, folks! ☕️😄

checking, day, emails, mindset, morning, problems, productivity, self-care, start, thing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

32 shares on X this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

99 shares on Threads this month:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,365

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Seen just now on X:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Freshly posted on X:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Trending via WeChat:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Just landed via TikTok:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

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