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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Trending via Reddit:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Going viral on Telegram:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Making waves on Instagram:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Trending via Snapchat:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Just landed via Twitch:

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
👽🚶‍♂️💊 "Forget little green men, it's the copywriters of pharmaceutical commercials we should be looking out for! 🤔 Their scriptwriting skills are out of this world…literally! 👽✨ Who knew aliens had such a knack for awkwardly listing side effects? 😂 #AliensAmongUs #PharmaGenius"

aliens, believe, commercials, dialogue, humor, observation, pharmaceutical, satire, walk, writing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

39 shares on X this month:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

48 shares on Threads this month:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

89 shares on Discord this month:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

41 shares on Threads this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Making waves on Messenger:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Live now on TikTok:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Spotted on Slack:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Just shared via Facebook:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Just landed via Threads:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

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