I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

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Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

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Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

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Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

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I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

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Girls Just Want To Have Naan

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If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

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Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

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I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

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My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

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My shadow quit because I’m too boring.