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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Trending via WeChat:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Spotted on Slack:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Making waves on Instagram:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Making waves on TikTok:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Shared recently on Discord:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Funny quote about embracing bigger jeans during life's Eat, Pray, Love journey.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like this spiritual journey is getting a little too cozy around the waistline 😋👖 Don't worry, expanding your horizons is good for the soul… and the seams of your jeans! 🍔🧘‍♀️ #EatPrayLoveButAlsoSizeUp"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Messenger this month:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Going viral on Reddit:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Seen just now on Reddit:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Breaking via YouTube:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Going viral on Facebook:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Just shared via Messenger:

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

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