I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

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Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

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Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

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Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

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I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

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My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

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As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

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I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

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Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

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Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

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Don’t hate me, date me!