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Home Funny Quotes I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

New funny quotes ✨

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
No amount of daylight can save us.

No amount of daylight can save us.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
"You're so quiet!" Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I didn't lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025