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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Just shared via TikTok:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Trending via Instagram:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Going viral on Twitch:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Trending via YouTube:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Making waves on X:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Just landed via Facebook:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

2 months ago

0

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the anticipation of a thrilling year filled with endless staring contests with our trusty companion, the phone! 📱😄 Who needs adventures when you've got messages to scroll through and memes to chuckle at? Here's to another year of mobile entertainment! 🎉"

another, anticipation, exciting, exciting year, forward, humor, life, looking, modern, modern life, phone, staring, technology, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

1

2 months ago

casual, celebration, comfort, eve, humor, new, New Year’s Eve, outfit, relaxation, sweatpant, sweatpants, year’s
You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

0

2 months ago

assumptions, head, humor, imagination, lot, perception, psychology, relationships, self-reflection, someone, stuff, tell, thoughts
Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

0

3 weeks ago

actually, humor, i, interaction, internet, online, outside, people, social, social interaction, sometimes, stranger, strangers, talk, wonder
There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

0

2 months ago

alarm, humor, morning, morning routine, nap, nothing, rest, routine, satisfaction, sleep, snooze
My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

0

2 months ago

better, celebration, death, event, funeral, humor, irony, merch, table
Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

0

5 months ago

darkness, ever, fashion, humor, inside, jeans, just, me, mood, nap, personal, personal struggle, sarcasm, sleep, struggle, understand

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on TikTok this month:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

47 shares on X this month:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,357

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Seen just now on X:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Making waves on Telegram:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

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