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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Trending via Discord:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Just landed via Discord:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Going viral on Messenger:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

2 months ago

0

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎳🥞 "Bowling and pancakes: where the strikes are just as elusive as the perfectly flipped pancake. It's all fun and games until reality hits you in the gutter. Keep rolling those balls and flipping those flapjacks – maybe one day you'll strike gold (or at least brunch)." 🎳🥞

activity, bowling, comparison, end, energy, expectations, experience, fun, fun activity, high, high hopes, hopes, humor, lowered, lowered self-esteem, pancakes, self-esteem

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

0

3 months ago

expectation, expectations, humor, Monday, motivation, please, sarcasm, voice, workweek
Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

0

2 months ago

cholesterol, food, health, heart, humor, irony, joke, love, place, special
A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

0

5 months ago

ago, being, change, crazy, humor, madness, meant, society, something, time
The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

0

2 months ago

ambition, domination, good, humor, me, nap, only, procrastination, sleep, thing, world, world domination
Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

0

2 months ago

actress, actually, another, Babygirl, being, cause, film, humor, joke, kidman, last, last name, name, nicole, Nicole Kidman, perfect, version, wordplay
Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

0

2 months ago

culture, distraction, effort, head, humor, impossible, memory, mental, mental effort, mission, Mission Impossible, music, password, pop, pop culture, remember, song, theme, theme song, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Slack this month:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Making waves on TikTok:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Just shared via Twitch:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

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