PORTLAND—In an impassioned TikTok Live, influencer Cassie Winthrop urged her followers to stop inundating her with negativity and instead consider lucrative alternatives. “I’m really just out here trying to live my best life,” stated Winthrop, “and that life would be so much better with some cash.”

Winthrop’s message quickly escalated into a call for reconstruction of the social media economy. “Imagine a world where everyone stops trolling and starts Venmo-ing instead,” she suggested, while launching a new hashtag campaign, #DollarForCassie.

Experts are skeptical of her novel proposal’s efficacy, but Winthrop remains hopeful. “Less drama, more commas,” she concluded, reminding followers to DM for direct deposit details. Winthrop has since released a line of ‘Hate-Free Economy’ merchandise, priced at $49.99 each, or 10 easy payments of a little less hateful thoughts.