Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,074

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Shared recently on X:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Just landed via Threads:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Spreading quickly via X:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Just shared via Messenger:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Spotted on Slack:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Just shared via Instagram:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

0
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a calculator when you have insomnia? 💤➗💭 You become a human mathematician, crunching numbers in your head all night trying to figure out the elusive equation of sleep time. Just remember, counting sheep does not count as a valid mathematical method! 🐑😂 #SleeplessStruggles"

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Reddit this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

48 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

98 shares on Slack this month:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

100 shares on Discord this month:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

63 shares on Discord this month:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a job ruined my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The older I get, no.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Just shared via Twitch:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Breaking via X:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Going bananas on Slack:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Seen just now on Threads:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴