Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.
  • My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.
  • Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.
  • I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
  • Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?
  • My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.