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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Live now on Snapchat:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Spotted on X:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Live now on Messenger:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Live now on X:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Just landed via Telegram:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

2 months ago

0

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the magical transformation of wide pants into tight pants! 🌟 Who knew our clothes could participate in a fashion metamorphosis too? 🦋 It's like a surprise reunion with an old friend… who now gives you a hug a little too snug. 😄 Just keep rocking those tight pants with confidence! 💃 #FashionComedy

again, body, body image, finding, found, humor, image, just, pants, self-acceptance, tight, wide

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

0

2 months ago

guys, humor, i, know, me, people, safe, secret, share, trust
They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

0

2 months ago

activity, amusement, experience, flattening, humor, machine, me, penny, zoo
King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

0

2 months ago

bed, code, distance, humor, king-sized, mattress, relationship, same, sleep, want, zip, zip code
Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

0

2 months ago

break, die, humor, jealousy, just, phone, rest, technology
What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

0

5 months ago

able, around, before, being, eyeglass, eyesight, half, history, humor, just, observation, people, question, vision, world
I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

0

2 months ago

date, dating, humor, i, mistake, relationship, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on YouTube this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,743

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Just shared via Instagram:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Trending via Threads:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Just shared via Threads:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

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