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“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

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Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

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Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

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Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

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Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

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My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

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The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

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Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

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I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

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If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Commentary:
"Who needs Grammy nomination when you've got passion! ๐ŸŽค๐Ÿ’ƒ Don't let a lack of talent stop you from belting out those off-key shower ballads! Just remember, confidence is key… and maybe some earplugs for your audience! ๐Ÿ™‰๐Ÿ˜‚"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

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Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

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Itโ€™s always a huge relief when Iโ€™m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

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Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

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And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

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My husband thinks he can just order me around like heโ€™s one of the cats.

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It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

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Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

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I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.