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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Trending via X:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Seen just now on Slack:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Live now on Telegram:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Making waves on Reddit:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Just landed via X:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Live now on Messenger:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

2 months ago

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍕💪 "Just imagine a world where biting into a slice of pizza not only satisfies your hunger but also magically melts away the calories! 🤯🍕✨ Forget gym memberships and diets, all we need is some extra cheese and pepperoni to achieve our dream body! 🧀🍕💃 Who says you can't have your pizza and eat it too? 😉🍕 #PizzaGoals"

great, imagine, just, life, pizza, skinny

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

5 months ago

authentication, frustration, humor, me, poorly, request, security, stress, technology, thing, timing, two-factor, two-factor authentication
And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

6 months ago

digital, digital file, file, grandchild, grandchildren, humor, i, inheritance, leave, PDF, procrastination, unread
I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

2 months ago

accidentally, anxiety, done, enough, ethic, humor, i, motivation, much, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, relaxed, stress, stuff, too, work, work ethic
It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

2 months ago

away, cops, escape, humor, introvert, okay, police, run, run away, shy
The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

2 months ago

back, change, climate, climate change, cool, difference, generational, generational difference, global, global warming, humor, nostalgia, nowhere, people, real, reason, warming, young, young people
Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

2 months ago

anticipation, bed, claus, democracy, left, morning, results, wait, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

79 shares on Slack this month:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

26 shares on YouTube this month:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,241

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Going bananas on YouTube:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Going viral on TikTok:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Spotted on Twitch:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Spotted on Instagram:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Making waves on X:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Seen just now on Threads:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

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