LEONARDTOWN—Confusion erupted at a local community forum Tuesday, as residents passionately debated a proposed chart redefining coolness by temperature. “It’s simple math,” said resident Gillian Norris, pointing at a scribbled equation. “If you’re hotter, I’m cooler.”

The discussion intensified after a spontaneous round of thermometer readings. “Rod here hit 98.6 degrees,” noted town board member Todd Waller. “Yet, he insists he’s still lukewarm at best.”

Ultimately, residents decided to base future social standing on water boiling points, turning the town’s only ice cream shop into an immediate den of extreme coolness and social prestige.