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Commentary:
"Just one more cookie turns into a cookie party, just one more movie becomes a binge-watching marathon, and just one more minute magically multiplies into an hour! 🍪🎬⏱️ Don't we all have a PhD in self-deception sometimes?"

cookie, humor, i, indulgence, just, minute, movie, procrastination, self-deception, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

1 month ago
deadline, die, finish, humor, i, life, motivation, never, procrastination, specific, task
Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

4 months ago
accessory, ask, bring, doubt, every, hell, humor, husband, i, lol, man, me, men, misunderstanding, purse, relationship, scary, something, time, whole, why, women
Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

1 month ago
best, comedy, doctor, give, horse, humor, impression, just, ketamine, me, medical, still
Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

1 month ago
care, dump, friendship, health, humor, invitation, mental, mental health, movie, nap, order, over, pizza, relaxation, self, self-care, take, trauma, trauma dump, want, watch
My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

3 months ago
bad, breakup, ex, girlfriend, humor, i, idiot, idiots, jealousy, life, love, love life, new, new relationship, relationship, sarcasm, smiling, somewhere, telling, thinking
I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

1 month ago
dinosaur, failure, humor, i, identity, person, self-deprecation, transformation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Going viral on X:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Live now on WeChat:

What are cats even trying to do?

Spotted on Threads:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Making waves on Telegram:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

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Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Coffee is better when you have no work.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

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Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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