NEWCASTLE—Area resident Mike Thompson proudly declared himself an ‘animal in bed,’ before immediately clarifying he was referring to a koala due to his habit of sleeping 22 hours a day. “I’m basically a champion,” he mumbled, mid-yawn, adding that he’d personally trained his body to rival the slumbering prowess of Australia’s laziest marsupials.

Neighbors confirmed Thompson’s extraordinary ability, stating he often enters hibernation-like states for days with no visible intent to awaken. “It’s impressive in a concerning way,” said one neighbor, who noted Thompson once missed three days of work, only to emerge groggily asking, “What year is it?” His fuzzy expertise on the art of prolonged shut-eye remains unmatched in the neighborhood.

Despite his sleep habits, Thompson insists his romantic life is vibrant. “My snoozing skills are unparalleled,” he boasted, inviting anyone curious to witness the spectacle of watching TV over his symphony of snores. In an unprecedented twist, local sleep study facilities are reportedly investigating to see if Thompson is breaking any unknown napping records or just a man too lazy to wake up.