BIRMINGHAM—Area resident Jenny Meyers has confessed her growing infatuation with an elusive paramour: a full night’s rest. “Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much,” Meyers wrote in her latest letter. “I’ve tried everything to win you back, but you remain a distant dream.”

Reports confirm Meyers has been spotted serenading her pillow with soulful ballads. “I was hopeful I’d at least get a lullaby or two out of this,” explained Meyers, as she sobbed into her coffee. Her relentless pursuit prompted her friends to suggest a counselor specializing in post-sleep loss trauma.

Insiders say Meyers considered starting ‘Sleepless Anonymous’ support meetings. “We’d gather, caffeinate, and just stare longingly at the bedroom door,” she noted. Despite her unwavering efforts, experts warn her pursuit is futile given the modern distractions of social media, binge-watching, and an existential doomed sense of busy-work.