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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Spotted on WeChat:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Live now on Telegram:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Making waves on WeChat:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Going bananas on Instagram:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Breaking via Instagram:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

2 months ago

0

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
What a hilarious routine! 🐾🎰 It's like your dog is waiting for the snack jackpot every time. Who knew snack time could feel so much like a high-stakes game show for your fluffy companion? Keep the entertainment going for both of you! 🍪🤣

around, casino, dog, every, finish, food, gestures, gone, hands, humor, i, love, pet, prove, proving, snack, something, time, wave

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

0

2 months ago

conservation, cut, ecological, environment, humans, humor, irony, nature, only, paper, paradox, sarcasm, save, trees
l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, Christmas tree, dead, holiday, humor, identify, identity, inside, irony, lit, outside, tree
I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

0

2 months ago

challenge, clean, cleaning, expiration, food, fridge, fun, game, here, humor, i, kill, mystery, play
I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

0

2 months ago

Bitcoin, boyfriend, candle, dame, funny moment, God, humor, i, lit, moment, notre, Notre Dame, order, Paris, price, relationship, request
Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

0

2 months ago

common, common sense, deal, dealing, dealing with people, everyone, gift, humor, people, punishment, sarcasm, sense
You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

0

3 weeks ago

around, cart, guy, guys, humor, nostalgia, push, push cart, railroad, railroad track, seesaw, track, transportation, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

50 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

78 shares on X this month:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

84 shares on TikTok this month:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,482

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Shared recently on WeChat:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Seen just now on Discord:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Going bananas on TikTok:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Going viral on WeChat:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Just landed via Slack:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Going viral on Telegram:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Making waves on TikTok:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

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