TOPEKA—In a groundbreaking personal finance strategy, local resident Gary Mulligan has traded in his therapist’s couch for cold, hard cash. “I realized I need money, not feelings,” confessed Mulligan, his wallet visibly bulging with newfound happiness.

As Gary stacked bills like emotional support bricks, he declared insolvency was the source of his mental strain. “Turns out, buying groceries solves more issues than self-reflection ever did,” he mused.

Experts are baffled by Gary’s unconventional approach, with one psychologist noting, “While most require years of therapy, Mr. Mulligan saved us all by suggesting we mint mental health. Next year, we’re considering adding ‘paid off credit card’ as a certified emotional breakthrough.”