SPRINGFIELD—In an attempt to revolutionize personal wellness, local man Gary Fields has adopted a daily practice of staring blankly to maximize exhaustion. “I find that reflecting deeply on how tired I am really sets the tone for the rest of my sluggish day,” said Fields, noting his profound enlightenment.

Fields credits his newfound vitality to this innovative ritual. “Ten minutes of focused fatigue contemplation is essential,” he insisted, adding that he swaps meditative mantras for groans of existential weariness. Enthusiasts of this trend note a significant boost in their ability to wistfully reminisce about naps.

Despite the skepticism, Fields is determined to share his practice with the world. He’s authored a guide titled ‘Zen and the Art of Being Perpetually Exhausted.’ “People already do it without realizing,” Fields claimed, “but I’m monetizing it—what could be more energizing than that?”