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Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

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Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

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Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

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Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

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All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

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Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

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Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

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A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

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Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

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Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

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Man Perfects Flirting Technique by Starting Argument Immediately

CORPUS CHRISTI—In a radical new approach to courtship, local man Jason Langley claims he’s mastered the art of flirtation by initiating disagreements. ‘Debating her on carbon footprints really got her attention,’ said Langley, who persistently asks potential dates about their stance on single-use plastics.

Witnesses report Langley’s technique often escalates into full-blown squabbles. ‘I don’t know if it’s the romantic tension or the heated dispute over recycling, but sparks definitely fly,’ shared his bewildered friend Ben Adams.

Langley hopes to publish his method in a guide entitled ‘Love and Conflict: A Provocative Approach’. When asked about its effectiveness, Langley responded, ‘If she blocks me, I’ve clearly made an impression.’ Experts remain skeptical but agree it’s an untapped dating strategy.

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