TULSA—In the latest update from Facebook, local resident Brad Hines stumbled upon a peculiar new feature allowing users to block themselves. “It’s like Facebook knew exactly what I needed,” remarked Hines, who reportedly spent 10 minutes awkwardly hovering over his own profile picture.

Friends observed Hines repeatedly attempting to ‘unfriend’ himself without success. “He’d type angry comments on his own posts, then laugh uncontrollably,” said a concerned buddy, Jerry Lawson.

Upon successful self-blockage, Hines reportedly gasped at the newfound serenity. “It turns out I’m my best frenemy,” he declared triumphantly, just before spending an evening peacefully ignoring his own updates.