BRISTOL—Local man Terry Driscoll is reportedly unfazed by his recent breakup, citing his indifference towards proper syntax as the main reason. “She left me because of my poor English,” Terry admitted, adding, “But I doesn’t care anyway.” Linguists believe his resilience may have been bolstered by his ability to blissfully disregard verb conjugation.

Friends close to Terry attested to his grammatical apathy, noting it remains his least concern. “He may have mixed tenses, but his confidence is through the roof,” commented his friend Barry. Terry’s unique approach to language renders him seemingly immune to heartbreak—a phenomenon perplexing to many.

In an unexpected turn, language courses are now marketing Terry as a cautionary tale. “Learn English or be like Terry,” quipped one local school’s flyer. Despite the educational spotlight shining on him, Terry remains indifferent. “I says what I wants, and words don’t matter,” he confidently declared, leaving the linguistic community both bewildered and curious.