HELENA—In a bold scientific revelation, experts announced that simply being nicer could directly influence local climate conditions. “We’ve crunched the numbers,” said climatologist Dr. Gene Wayver, “and there’s a 100% chance of a heatwave if everyone lightens up a bit.” He suggested widespread compliments might trigger a ‘scorching’ response.

Civic officials responded with skepticism. “Are we supposed to invest in sunscreen or therapy?” asked Council Member Janet Hightower. Experts urged open-heartedness, pointing to a correlation between smiling and higher temperatures. “Mankind’s thermometer, if you will,” Wayver insisted.

Meanwhile, residents feared the implications of a more amiable populace. “The last thing we need is sweaty optimism,” grumbled local grump George Fielder. When asked about potential wardrobe changes, he quipped, “Well, if warmth depends on friendliness, I’ll stick with my parka just in case.”