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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Making waves on Facebook:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Going viral on Pinterest:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Just shared via Pinterest:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Seen just now on Discord:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Trending via Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

2 months ago

0

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Spicing up the workplace with a dash of sass, I like it! 😏💼 Just imagine the boss's reaction when they see 'make me' in response to their important project update emails. 😂📧 Who said professional communication had to be boring, right? 🤷‍♂️ #OfficeRebel"

around, communication, emails, humor, me, mess, procrastination, reply, response, sarcasm, work, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

0

5 months ago

attitude, business, communication, humor, i, none, oh, privacy, sarcasm, secret, tell
I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

0

2 months ago

am, apart, falling, i, love, only
Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

0

2 months ago

balance, days, even, feel, forget, getting, hectic, humor, life, life balance, lose, much, never, overwhelming, perspective, phone, phone time, priorities, relief, sight, stress, stress relief, things, time, weeks
Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

0

2 months ago

case, date, deleted, famous, famous woman, fans, humor, i, just, media, old, privacy, rabid, relationship, social, social media, Tweets, woman
When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

0

5 months ago

doing, excuse, humor, just, know, message, messages, multitasking, posting, returning, shit, superhero
“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

0

2 months ago

always, gender, gender stereotype, God, humor, sarcasm, sleeping, stereotype, unconscious, wants, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My life coach traded me.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

93 shares on Slack this month:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

68 shares on X this month:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,464

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Going bananas on Slack:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Shared recently on Telegram:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Broadcasted on X:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Just shared via YouTube:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Trending via LinkedIn:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

Making waves on Telegram:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

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