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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Just landed via Discord:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Shared recently on Threads:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

Spotted on WeChat:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

2 months ago

0

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your daily routine is trying its best to defy the laws of nature! 😴☕️💤 Just remember, even if your body can't decide when to be awake or asleep, there's always a chance for a power nap Olympics in between! 🏅😂

lazy, morning, nap, night, sleep, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

0

5 months ago

age, childhood, funny observation, lightning, matter, nostalgia, observation, old, sit, storm, thunder, watch, weather, window
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

0

2 weeks ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife
It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

0

2 months ago

again, beverage, choice, choose, coffee, decision, holiday, humor, morning, mulled, mulled wine, time, wine
It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

0

2 months ago

basic, comeback, commentary, decency, human, human decency, humor, kindness, nice, social, social commentary
There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

0

1 month ago

bus, endless, first try, humor, just, life, love, music, only, pain, show, song, songs, try, wheel, wheels
“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

0

2 months ago

comedy, end, family, father, home, humor, important, meeting, meetings, mom, money, nothing, online, online meeting, parenting, rich, said, technology, thanks, wealth, work, work from home, Zoom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

55 shares on Slack this month:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always clear my calculator… but when I do, I hit both ‘C’ and ‘CE’ a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Spotted on Discord:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Just landed via TikTok:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Just shared via TikTok:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Breaking via Slack:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

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