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🐶💁‍♂️ "Ah, the case of the egocentric pooch! 🚪🔔 Must be tough being the most popular pup in the neighborhood, huh? Just imagine the disappointment when he realizes it's not a fan club gathering but just the mailman! 😂 #SorryBuddyNotToday"

attention, dog, doorbell, humor, pet, pet humor, rings, self-centered, vain, whenever

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This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

1 month ago
attitude, called, casual, casual attitude, chapter, guess, humor, i, indifference, life, life chapter, ok, uncertainty, whatever
I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

1 month ago
acknowledgment, critique, humor, i, irony, most, people, rich, stupid, stupidity, super, think, time, wealth, wealthy
Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

1 month ago
brain, dance, ever, every, funny thought, humor, i, insomnia, little, mind, mistake, overthinking, restless, restless mind, sleep, sometimes, tap, tap dance, thought, through, want
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

4 months ago
again, annoy, commitment, dead, death, humor, i, ID, marriage, married, relationship, someone, spouse, think, us
I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

1 month ago
exaggeration, funny statement, humor, i, joke, million, statement, time, year’s
Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

1 month ago
blame, clothing, frustration, humor, jeans, mystery, shrink, wardrobe

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

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My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

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My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

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I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

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Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

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Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

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Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Going viral on Discord:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Just shared via Discord:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Trending via Slack:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Seen just now on Slack:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

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My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

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My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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