Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Spotted on TikTok:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Trending via X:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Trending via WeChat:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Trending via Instagram:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

1 week ago

Funny quote about a vain dog expecting the doorbell to be for him.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐶💁‍♂️ "Ah, the case of the egocentric pooch! 🚪🔔 Must be tough being the most popular pup in the neighborhood, huh? Just imagine the disappointment when he realizes it's not a fan club gathering but just the mailman! 😂 #SorryBuddyNotToday"

attention, dog, doorbell, humor, pet, pet humor, rings, self-centered, vain, whenever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Facebook this month:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

25 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Live now on TikTok:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Trending via WeChat:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Trending via Snapchat:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Just landed via Instagram:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Trending via YouTube:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

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