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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Live now on Instagram:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Going viral on TikTok:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Making waves on Reddit:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Breaking via WeChat:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Just landed via Pinterest:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Just landed via Telegram:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

2 months ago

0

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐶💁‍♂️ "Ah, the case of the egocentric pooch! 🚪🔔 Must be tough being the most popular pup in the neighborhood, huh? Just imagine the disappointment when he realizes it's not a fan club gathering but just the mailman! 😂 #SorryBuddyNotToday"

attention, dog, doorbell, humor, pet, pet humor, rings, self-centered, vain, whenever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

0

2 months ago

animal, attention, begging, cat, corner, humor, pet, relatable, spotlight
If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

0

2 months ago

aniston, celebrity, conspiracy, feed, humor, Jennifer, Jennifer Aniston, JFK, killed, media, news, reading, satire, social, social media, Twitter
Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

0

2 months ago

commitment, getting, going, marriage, married, most, parent, parents, serious, shock, shocked, us
And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

0

2 months ago

again, carpet, celebrity, day, disappointment, expectation, guys, humor, once, red, red carpet
Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

0

2 months ago

bad, being, boil, going, going to sleep, habits, humor, issues, lifestyle, lot, me, morning, morning struggle, night, night struggle, problems, procrastination, sleep, sleep habits, sleep issues, struggle, waking, waking up
For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

0

1 month ago

broth, brother, called, cooking, even, family, guy, humor, never, once, pun, seen, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,314

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Just landed via Facebook:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Seen just now on Telegram:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Going viral on Slack:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Trending via YouTube:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Trending via WeChat:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Breaking via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Just shared via Discord:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

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