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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Just shared via Facebook:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Going viral on WeChat:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Broadcasted on X:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Just landed via Discord:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like his warnings went down… just like the Titanic! 🚢❄️ Grandpa's iceberg expertise deserved a standing ovation, not an unexpected "exit stage left" moment. Maybe next time they'll listen before the credits roll! 🎭👴🏼 #IcebergAhead

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

32 shares on Threads this month:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,276

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Live now on Discord:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Going viral on X:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Trending via Discord:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Going viral on Telegram:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

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