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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Going viral on Threads:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Going viral on Twitch:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Just landed via Discord:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Just shared via Instagram:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Trending via Instagram:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Just shared via Messenger:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about a grandfather warning about the Titanic’s sinking, ignored and dismissed.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like his warnings went down… just like the Titanic! 🚢❄️ Grandpa's iceberg expertise deserved a standing ovation, not an unexpected "exit stage left" moment. Maybe next time they'll listen before the credits roll! 🎭👴🏼 #IcebergAhead

comedy, going, grandfather, humor, iceberg, irony, ship, shouting, sink, sinking, situational, situational comedy, theater, throw, Titanic, tried, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

79 shares on Threads this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Making waves on Slack:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Trending via Reddit:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Making waves on Threads:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

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