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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

4,075

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Trending via Instagram:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Seen just now on Discord:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Shared recently on Instagram:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Breaking via Telegram:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Going viral on Telegram:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

2 months ago

0

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the audacity of teens these days! Asking for noise-cancelling headphones as if it's a present for you to enjoy uninterrupted peace and quiet from their constant chatter. 🎧🙉 Good luck trying to upgrade the art of ignoring your parents, kiddo!

asking, better, gift, give, going, headphone, headphones, humor, ignoring, me, noise-cancelling, noise-cancelling headphone, parenting, sarcasm, teen

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

0

2 months ago

anyone, bad, confidence, feel, humor, independence, let, motivation, own, self-esteem, self-worth, yourself
Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

0

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, changes, cop, dressed, funny observation, humor, kid, life, life changes, observation, welcome
Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

0

2 months ago

activity, animals, animals riding, before, horses, humor, just, ok, realization, ride, riding, thinking
Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

0

2 weeks ago

commenting, family, friend, humiliation, humiliation ritual, humor, media, pic, picture, ritual, social, social media
I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

0

2 months ago

anything, casual, casual inquiry, funny situation, going, humor, inquiry, need, situation, spiraling
What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

0

2 months ago

affection, communication, confusion, greeting, humor, love

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

56 shares on Slack this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,017

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Just landed via X:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Just shared via Instagram:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Trending via WeChat:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Spotted on Slack:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Live now on WeChat:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Live now on Instagram:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

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