SOUTH BEND—In a groundbreaking study released this Tuesday, the nation’s leading nutritionists have declared chicken nuggets a superfood. “Being skinny is great when you’re squeezing into jeans, but nugget-powered contentment is even better,” said Dr. Paula Wings, a researcher.

The study cites unprecedented health benefits, including a 150% increase in happiness. “People underestimate the power of a 50-pack,” noted participant Jenny Tender. “My outlook on life completely changed after I hit nugget euphoria.”

To capitalize on this discovery, industries have begun integrating chicken nugget supplements into daily routines. Schools are considering replacing lunchtime salads with ‘Nugget Nutrient Breaks’. “We’re prioritizing joy over questionable thinness,” said school principal Cris P. Batter. “These nuggets aren’t just food; they’re dreams deep-fried to golden perfection.”