PRESCOTT—New data shows that even long-forgotten email service Hotmail is enjoying more clicks than local bachelor Gary Mulligan. “Who would’ve thought a platform with the word ‘mail’ in it would get more hits than me?” lamented Mulligan. His friends confirmed they had to reluctantly agree.

“Every month more people acknowledge Hotmail than my existence,” revealed Mulligan, who recently realized his sole companionship at public events has been his smartphone. “I’ve even tried changing my bio to ‘Hot Gary .’ Still nothing.”

Desperate to reclaim some semblance of dignity, Mulligan has reportedly begun wearing t-shirts emblazoned with “@hotmail” just to stir some interest. When asked if this strategy might be working, he shrugged and replied, “I got a spam email, so that’s something.”