Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

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Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

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Celery is depressing green water wafers.

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Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

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I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

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The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

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You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

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The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.