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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Just shared via Reddit:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Trending via Snapchat:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Breaking via Slack:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Spotted on Slack:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

0
Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.
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Commentary:
Ah, the bittersweet truth of nostalgia: when even reminiscing isn't as satisfying as it once was 🕰️✨ Perhaps it's just like an old song on repeat, losing a bit of its magic with each play 🎶😅 Let's cherish the memories, even if they come with a side of "it was better back then" nostalgia goggles! 🌟🤔

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

16 shares on Threads this month:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

27 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

30 shares on Slack this month:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,681

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Going viral on TikTok:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Going bananas on X:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Going viral on Instagram:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Spotted on X:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Breaking via Messenger:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

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