Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.
  • I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.
  • I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.
  • In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.
  • Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.
  • I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.