Trendy Funny Quotes

  • A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
  • Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.
  • I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’
  • Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?
  • Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.
  • There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.