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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Going bananas on Discord:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Just shared via YouTube:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Spotted on Twitch:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Breaking via Facebook:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Shared recently on X:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Occupation: the ugly friend!

1 week ago

Playful quote about self-deprecating humor, featuring bold text on a humorous note.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Occupation: the ugly friend – Always there for you when you need it, no matter how unglamorous or underappreciated. It's the friend you can count on to show up uninvited and stick around for the long haul. Just like a true friend, it might not be the most exciting or glamorous aspect of your life, but it's always there, loyal and reliable, ready to support you through thick and thin. Who knew your job could be so relatable

friend, humor, occupation, relationship, self-deprecation, ugly

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

73 shares on Slack this month:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Going viral on Twitch:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Trending via Snapchat:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Making waves on Telegram:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Going bananas on Snapchat:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Spotted on YouTube:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Just landed via YouTube:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Just landed via YouTube:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

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