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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has copied:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has shared:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has copied:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Twitch:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Trending via Facebook:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Going viral on Messenger:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Playful quote about parenting struggles and dishwashing reality with a humorous vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the harsh reality of adulting hitting our kids like a ton of dirty dishes πŸ½οΈπŸ˜… Parenting is all fun and games until someone has to do the dishes! #TheStruggleIsReal"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Threads this month:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing says β€œnot interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This whole β€œhaving a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a β€˜tree falls in the woods’ situation.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has copied:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Everyone says β€œDo what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has viewed:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has downloaded:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has shared:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on YouTube:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Trending via Telegram:

The older I get, no.

Making waves on Messenger:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Making waves on X:

β€œPeople you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Making waves on WeChat:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

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