PITTSBURGH—In a shocking development that has sent shockwaves through the local community, self-proclaimed musical genius Kevin Anders insisted Friday that “the hottest single of the year is me.” Anders, known for his frequent appearances at open mic nights, argued that his presence alone earned him top chart status.

“Spotify has got it all wrong,” lamented Anders, clutching a comb which he claimed doubled as his microphone. “The critics may disagree, but it’s hard to argue with my charisma and natural rhythm when I step into the middle of my living room dance floor.”

Despite his lack of any actual recorded sound, media analysts have begun questioning if Anders will exploit this revelation to get signed by a major label or if he’ll continue selling out imaginary stadiums to his pet goldfish, who couldn’t be reached for comment.