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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,637

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Just landed via YouTube:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Going bananas on Reddit:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Trending via Telegram:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Trending via Telegram:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Pressure washing: where water, soap, and an impending sense of urgency come together for a splashingly stressful time! 🚿💦⏱️"

cleaning, deadlines, exaggeration, humor, pressure, pressure washing, regular, regular washing, stress, tight, washing, work, work stress, yelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My toxic trait is optimism.

0

2 months ago

humor, optimism, personality, personality trait, sarcasm, toxic, toxic trait, trait
We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

0

2 months ago

gratitude, humor, just, know, laugh, lie, mirror, reflection, self-image
Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

0

2 months ago

culinary, eat, eating, food, great, humor, joke, salt, seaweed, slime, texture, want, wish
When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

0

2 months ago

anytime, birth, comedy, day, everyday, everyday humor, exaggeration, humor, humorous, humorous quote, i, joke, perception, relativity, sarcastic, say, time, yesterday
The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

0

2 months ago

back, business, conversation, day, ego, humor, male, nostalgia, storytelling, tell, urge, used
Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

0

2 months ago

culture, daily, Dre, forget, humor, joke, music, pop, pop culture, rap, reminder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Trending via Twitch:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Making waves on Pinterest:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Live now on Threads:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My toxic trait is optimism.

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨