Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

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The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

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And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

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Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

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A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

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The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

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If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

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One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

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Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

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I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

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Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.