PERTH—In a shocking announcement, Senator Marcus J. Dunhill proclaimed his commitment to the timeless principle: “With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.” Witnesses report Dunhill immediately swapped his sensible sedan for a roaring sports car. “It’s important that I embrace my path to becoming a complete tool,” the Senator declared, donning sunglasses indoors for effect.

Citizens initially raised eyebrows at Dunhill’s declaration but were soon enthralled by his purchasing of unnecessary status symbols. “His gold-plated espresso maker really spoke volumes about his dedication to douchebaggery,” noted local constituent Hannah Mills. She added, “I heard he’s considering an El Camino conversion that’s half electric, half diesel, just because no one else has it.”

Despite the backlash—or perhaps because of it—Dunhill continues to underscore his commitment to the cause. “As my power grows, so does my penchant for pomposity,” Dunhill reassured. In a final act of power-induced absurdity, he signed all his new legislations with an obnoxiously oversized pen, stating, “It’s not just about power; it’s about wielding it like a bludgeon of overcompensation.”