BIRMINGHAM—Amid a string of failed relationships, local barista Jeremy Holbrook has reached a groundbreaking realization about his romantic life. “Turns out, the common denominator was me,” Holbrook admitted, adding that his realization was as comforting as a third-wheel experience on Valentine’s Day.

Holbrook’s epiphany occurred after years of blaming “bad timing” and “societal pressures.” “I always thought I just hadn’t found ‘the one.’ Turns out, ‘the one’ was… not having me,” he quipped.

A relationship expert, when reached for comment, said Jeremy’s path of self-awareness might be groundbreaking for others. “Or not,” she added. Meanwhile, Jeremy plans to embark on a solo journey of self-improvement, which he notes involves changing at least 50% of his wardrobe and eliminating most of his personality.