WICHITA—Reports suggest that software updates across the globe have developed an inferiority complex, having realized, “Are you a software update, because not now!” is a universal greeting among users. Experts state that updates now experience crippling self-doubt every time they pop up on screens.

Tech psychologist Dr. Linda Byte explained, “We never considered the emotional impact on updates. They now assume they’re less wanted than a pop-up ad,” she said, gesturing to a frozen ‘Restart Required’ prompt.

Sources close to the situation believe that if updates’ sense of belonging continues to plummet, they might completely boycott devices, leading to a dystopian society of unpatched computers and haunted toasters refusing to toast anything beyond room temperature.