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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,472

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Going viral on Reddit:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Seen just now on Messenger:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Just shared via X:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Trending via TikTok:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Going bananas on Threads:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Spotted on WeChat:

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

2 months ago

0

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive ability to focus and actually complete a task without getting distracted, a rare trait indeed! 🐿️💨 Let's appreciate those task-finishing unicorns in a world full of multitasking squirrels 🦄🤹‍♂️ Keep your eyes on the prize, not on the acorns flying everywhere! 🌰🤪"

comparison, crack, finish, focus, humor, hundred, just, multitasking, once, people, productivity, squirrel, start, task, things, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

0

2 months ago

client, Epstein, humor, joke, list, Mambo, music, number, parody, tune
Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

0

2 months ago

confidence, forget, humor, importance, irony, motivation, overestimate, self-esteem, today
We literally used to write an essay by hand.

0

4 months ago

education, essay, hand, handwriting, humor, literally, memory, nostalgia, old, old school, school, used, writing
Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

0

6 months ago

barcode, barcode scanner, behavior, cart, consumer, consumer behavior, grocery, grocery cart, money, much, put, scanner, shopping, should, spending, supermarket, technology, things
I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

0

2 months ago

activity, armstrong, around, bike, block, drug, drugs, enhancing, enhancing drug, exercise, humor, i, lance, Lance Armstrong, nostalgia, performance, time, understand
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

0

2 months ago

checking, forgetfulness, forgot, holiday, humor, leaving, list, making, milk, shopping, still, store, twice

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on X this month:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Broadcasted on Slack:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Going viral on Snapchat:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Just landed via WeChat:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

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