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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,551

Social Media Log 💫

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Who needs a gym when you can burn calories just from hearing about someone else's jam-packed schedule? 💪⏰🤯"

activity, appointments, busy, busy life, exhausted, full, i, just, life, overcommitted, people, reading, social, social life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

0

3 months ago

aid, answer, call, calls, communication, company, every, hearing, hearing aid, humor, i, joke, line, misunderstanding, phone, phone call, prank, question, salesman, stay
Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

0

2 months ago

challenge, dare, fun, game, home, imagine, party, playing, social, truth
In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

0

2 months ago

bed, dance, energy, evening, fun, humor, lunchtime, morning, routine, tired
Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

0

3 days ago

assume, assumption, burden, communication, emotional, emotional expression, expression, humor, interaction, lol, loneliness, people, problem, problems, social, social interaction, unfortunately
No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

0

2 months ago

commitment, dating, end, falling, hangout, humor, i, love, me, relationship, time
I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, critique, entertainment, generation, humor, i, music, real, reason, sucks, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

35 shares on Discord this month:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Just landed via Facebook:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Spotted on X:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Going viral on Messenger:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Freshly posted on X:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Freshly posted on Threads:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Seen just now on Threads:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨